He had an explanation as to why Bryan had sent him an electronic copy for safe-keeping in case the hard copies got lost in the mail, but his point was my failure in how I handled the situation. He would shed actual tears when we would sit together watching movies or just cuddling on the couch, and I would think geez how damaged are you that this moment means this much? Something in my gut turned. I think they sort of gave up policing people. Join us for a heavy dose of research with a dash of comedy thrown in for flavor. Physical abuse is evil, but emotional abuse is insidious as it hides, especially with gaslighting involved. I cant continue to sacrifice words Ive been given at the risk of having them misunderstood. Something Was Wrong started as a way of documenting the experience of Sara, a woman who thought she was marrying the man of her dreams, but as the podcast's title suggests turned out to be incredibly wrong. Ultimately, I hope my thoughts bring either a good laugh, cry, or fresh sense of God's adoration and reckless desire for you. Some might be a complex mix of both sides depending on the day and their mood or emotional state. Once we were alone in my room I asked what was going on. They only met the abuser because I was pregnant. I believed that charming, selfless man would come back he was just under some stress today. There is no physical standard for beauty outlined by God. That was a very basic version of why I kept going and didnt run for the hills when little things shifted. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Without it, as Scripture says, we die out. I was told this past week that when were wearing rose-colored glasses, red flags just look like flags. She was about to marry a dude that duped her into becoming friends with people that he created out of thin air, and unprovoked kicked and injured a dog. I was in tears over how poorly Id handled my distrust. When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. Happy Tuesday from Tennessee! Sociopathic and Psychopathic tendencies start with Antisocial Personality Disorder. So to hear those words from my fiance, the person whose opinion I hold in the highest regard, cut really deep. What a messy time to be alive.). My mom still references the night she and my dad told us they were giving us money for the wedding. The program is hosted, written, and produced by Tiffany Reese. In fact, many times he had opportunities to share grace and love with those who had differing beliefs, and instead he cornered and shamed them, calling them out. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something was wrong. Itll never fit. With opening the eyes of anyone who reads this and needs it, because your freedom and empowerment matters. (Many of which Im still figuring out a year later.) Sara discusses the discovery of Dick's ex girlfriends and how answers help the healing process. Anyone who has tried it knows it teaches him to cower and hide the next time he messes up and this defined my idea of how God saw me for far too long. When it was clear we were spiraling out of control, in His consistency God abided by His own rules and sent someone without sin to shed blood for us, so we wouldnt have to keep sacrificing flawless animals the Old Testament way to approach Him. I was stunned. Christian friends, were not being spoon-fed anymore. This discounts and erases the experiences of male victims of all ages, as well as female victims who have been abused by other females and males who have been abused by males. Like Im glad they were supportive since it helped her get out of the relationship but also.. give her some space! (Sometimes a ray of light just looks like a good lunch.). You in the beginning.. The series is told through the lens of the survivor so if you aren't Abuse Recovery, christianity, Uncategorized. Its the only explanation, and the overarching joy in my freedom is a testimony to what He wants for all of us in a world full of stories like mine. Im sorry, podcast listeners: It was in that same Blue Bottle on a Thursday afternoon that I saw one of the letters Bryan and Kimmy sent me on his laptop screen. Real-Time. When I saw Something Was Wrong in Apple's "Purple Podcast App" (as Lindsey Chrisley always refers to it on Coffee Convos), I thought I'd listen to one episode just to see what it was about.It was previously an Audiochuck production, but is now part of Wondery / Amazon Music.. With a Wondery+ subscription, episodes are ad-free which really makes listening to podcasts enjoyable - and fast. Well, apparently he could hear me (oops) and he asked who I was talking to in the bathroom. My sin was very subtly (but constantly) pointed out as time went on not to keep me at the feet of Jesus, but to keep me confused and feeling small compared to the kind person calling it out. (What would I have ever done without their helpful insight into my weaknesses?) Find similar podcasts. But when hosts Nev Schulman and Kamie Crawford got in touch with 27-year-old Kristen to help her confront her online love interest Sarah, things took an unexpected . I want my friends to feel safe. Although I sort of saw the humor in it (because I was open & trusted where I stood with him), looking back, it made me feel hurt, insecure and confused around how to play along. It breaks my heart. The busyness is all valid things like 3 jobs, a consistent fitness routine, family relationships, etc but before I know it, 3 weeks have gone by and the person that blessed me with these jobs and incredible community (literally everything I was just asking Him for) hasnt heard from me and thats all He wants. Toxic relationship recovery stories, convos, + whatever else we want to hash out. I closed the door and sat down, turning the fan and faucet on so he wouldnt hear me crying and praying. Seeing the abuse I endured last year so clearly now stirs a passion in me to stop it from happening to others. Stress, family drama, work, something was always burdening him. THE PURPOSE - 100% of profits from each garment sold are contributed to a socially conscious artist grant program. I was in shock for several blocks while he bounced up and down in the drivers seat like a big kid in a puddle. Ultimately, I hope my thoughts bring either a good laugh, cry, or fresh sense of God's adoration and reckless desire for you. Not on the next repeat, though. We were something to behold. Especially women. Pretty dang quickly. During this season, chemicals are bonding me to him and altering my brain, making it increasingly difficult to see clearly no matter how intelligent or discerning I might be. (Im obviously an empathetic person, but even I secretly rolled my eyes in those moments!) Just forcing myself to share the good, badand ugly because it does coexist, but all bad, ugly things make Gods goodness shine brighter in contrast. 64.2k Followers, 178 Following, 52 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Something Was Wrong Podcast (@somethingwaswrongpodcast) Im thankful for this past year, because my God is quickly turning a dark time completely around into something beautiful. The old man is dead. I have plenty of work I can get done. I was devastated and scrambling to recover whatever Id done wrong. and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. The next, they were idiots. He would flip things quickly on anyone who dared question him. (IM SORRY JOHN & STACI I blatantly judged your book by its cover. Everything is fine., (I watched Jane the Virgin obsessively for multiple reasons, a big one being her developing her identity as a fiction writer.). Use the prompts, write for 5-20 minutes each day and youll be amazed at how quickly you make progress on your book. Thats whats happening. I had the wherewithal at that moment to hold my ground. This is not your story, you do not get to have . He doesnt want a casual connection- He wants our fire, our very worst AND best. We are all capable of being obedient, and in my case thats all God has been asking of me. The first round back in 2015 started with breaking down my fences, telling myself the truth, and exploring whats on the other side. (My piano teacher would laugh at that now because of a comment I made about it while facing each other from across two grand pianos.). FREE interactive safety plan to help you prepare: loveisrespect.org. (I thank God for my lil bubble community all the time, by the way.). (Anyone else get phrases or words rather than songs stuck in their heads?) It reminds me an awful lot of rubbing a dogs nose in his own urine when he goes in the house. Its ok, you dont need to make excuses. I havent always written about heavy topics like abuse recovery, but after coming within 8 days of marrying a sociopath, my day-to-day thoughts and life took a massive turn. How will we live? Recommended by us. He just needed to get out. That SAME song always, is so indescribably bad. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. Not just basics, but specialty items he wanted to try. I still remember the shrug of his shoulders when I peered around the freezer door and asked him about the organic vodka (does organic even matter at that point? Your preferences, feelings, quirks, looks, secrets, weaknesses, strengths they all matter. *Content warning: Substance Use Disorder, emotional abuse, sexual assault, workplace abuse. We find our own ways to ask, Am I enough?. *Sources: Yahoo News: Womans boyfriend claimed to be an FBI agent, but she felt something was off: 'I cant answer that', In The Know, December 19, 2022: https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/womans-boyfriend-claimed-to-be-an-fbi-agent-but-she-felt-something-was-off-232932588.html Jenna Jeans Tik Tok: @JennaJean8 https://www.tiktok.com/@jennajean8/video/7171129904665218350 For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resources S15 Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokayTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrong. That the ground beneath our feet doesnt feel the same and were somehow powerless against it? It wreaks havoc on your mind, emotions and even your physical body. For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resourcesSources:https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violencehttps://www.nsvrc.org/statisticshttps://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/fastfact.htmlTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrongS15 Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkaySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. It scared me numerous times. Theyre doing the heavy lifting when it comes to compiling my story for the public, not just for its sheer shock-factor, but because Im far from the only victim of psychopathic abuse. What then proceeded from his mouth is apparently something called Word Salad. Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts. The Something Was Wrong podcast meetup/live recording last week and although we had no idea what to expect, it was incredible. Sorry not sorry, youre rigur, Just finished episode 4. When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. If its His word, He will back it and ensure it doesnt return empty. [Valentina] Wait, Youre Supposed to Help Me. The things this man put her and her family through is so intriguing and heartbreaking. Women are excellent at busying themselves going about duties and often sacrificing those little girl dreams in the process. But she is, self admittedly, in a bubble when it comes to her upbringing and her family. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. He claimed he could say things like that because he used to be fat too. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. So He can enjoy us again as shimmering reflections of Him as we were in the beginning: beautiful and unashamed. My ex could quote Scripture backward and forward, hold theological discussions with church leadership, and was quick to deconstruct the flaws in any given churchs infrastructure. Its a lighthearted nightmare in here, weirdos! So many of us are so focused on getting our stories out there that we forget that becoming known has consequences. Publishers. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, . Take me back to the beginning every single day. Me a little smaller than before. It was take me back to the beginning. I wasnt sure why. Just before that, though, I had been on my piano playinga Chopin Etude Id been assigned my very first year in college, as a wide-eyed homeschooler walking into classrooms for the first time since elementary school. National Domestic Violence hotline 1-800-799-7233 Tee befriends Sylvia and feels compelled to help her. Have you asked yourself why something just feels inexplicably, , confusing, and overwhelming? . This is my neighborhoodanyone know his name? Its a new effort to come to the Lord and let Him be something new to me: the place I bring my injustices and frustration. Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) (@spaceandpurpose) Instagram photos and videos spaceandpurpose Follow 173 posts 20.6K followers 207 following Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) Personal blog Health, beauty, funny things Coming January '23: the S&P Podcast! Happy to be an "enmeshed parent." Without something to work toward, we wither. So when people tell me I am brave to share my story, Im realizing I dont feel brave at all because it doesnt feel like mine. Its His story of jealousy, of the lengths Hell go to leave the 99 for one. This is often why I believe He allows hardship- not that He is the direct cause of bad or difficult times, but His nearness is undeniably different when were in pain and we need Him. Its very real. I felt sick to my stomach and wish Id reacted differently now, but at that point my discernment had faded and I deferred to him. Not just for us, but for those that hear our testimonies, I think it looks like freedom. Its not gonna just go away.). Its fine, Ill just spend the weekend at home. Both hands have independent melodies that you must differentiate between, so listeners can hear each one sing. (I remember that word so well.) For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resourcesGirls Next Level PodcastGirls Next Level on Instagram: @girlsnextlevel_podcastFollow Holly on Instagram: @hollymadisonTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrongArtwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokaySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Scripture says we were crucified with Christ and are new creations. Hed lied to his family about my job, inflating my position and giving me a title Ive never had. To a fault, I will assume someone meant the best but simply made a mistake. Its not gonna just go away. I was telling friends I call my special ops that I was amazed by how different our first conversations were. Humans are hardwired to need a vision, a hope of something more, something bigger than ourselves to invest in and be part of. Id seen the cover many times, writing it off as a fluffy Christian Girls are Ladies in Waiting lecture. There's a special place in hell for that guy. Disturbed and confused, Iridian decides to seek the truth for herself. Tee is happy to help out her close friend and coworker, Slyvia, when she becomes sick. When we receive the gift of what Jesus did for us,He isnt looking at our shortcomings, so why should we? I know God literally commands us to be at peace and find joy even in terrible events; I just couldnt help but feel like joy would be a dismissal of the travesties, the economic and political devastation, worldwide deception, division and all-out spiritual war happening. Neither can you. Mine was all mental, so I minimized it because outwardly it didnt appear as dramatic as others stories. He actually laughed, shaking his head! I was simply drawn to it. Thank goodness, because without their constructive input, I never would have taken a good hard look at things and asked myself what I could have done differently! It was a scary piece for me. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something w . Ashley Abercrombie: So youre a ghostwriter? If they trust me with something, I hold it close. Those that lacked depth or true relationship with God are lost and floundering. There are days Im content in that, and days I just want it to look different and throw a grownup fit. Holding on to hope, whether for their spouse or for the sake of their kids, many stay. I'm on episode 10 and have enjoyed it but also feel like maybe Sara is a littleextra lol. I remember my piano instructor taking me so far beyond what I thought a piece could possibly require from a pianists hands and brain. Or we feel we need someone. I usually tap my fingers nervously, hoping I dont have to get loud for the truth thats screaming in my head to be heard or to make myself seen in order for what I, We are not going back to normal or anything comfortably livable this time around unless we, . S1 E1: There Were No Red Flags. One of many is a phrase that loves to sneak its way in if I dont fight it. Surely if hed written those letters he wouldnt be sloppy enough to leave it open on a laptop hed be letting me use? It was healing, though, to go back to the beginning and understand how I could have fallen for such an insidious trap. If you're sensitive to the topic of abuse, I would skip it. Coming to a podcast near you that will knock your winter socks off. It all makes sense now , She's a hun and still doesn't realize that religious beliefs are what made her her vulnerable here. I have a point to make with my past that I will shamelessly vent here now: perhaps we shouldnt devalue the gravity of the Cross by continuing to wallow and call ourselves sinners, though Im no seminary student. Those that lacked depth or true relationship with God are lost and floundering. They use the good to outweigh the bad, especially if there are no outward signs. First, however, I had to allow Him to pick up the pieces of a shattered sense of self, and reconstruct my concept of what I have to contribute to the world around me. You [everyone] in the beginning.. I thought the same thing! As Slyvias symptoms worsen, so do Tees suspicions that Sylvia is hiding something. The more conversations Im having with people in similar situations, the more amazed I am by their resiliency and strength. The more examples he gave, the more memories came back. So.What Else? Follow Sara Lewis on Instagram@SpaceandPurposeCheck out Saras Blogspaceandpurpose.comSomething Was Wrong Podcast, featuring Saras story. I love it, and so I feel really nit picky for pointing out the music. This is a really great podcast that delves into very important issues. Tee and Sylvia become closer as Sylvia and her son experience health challenges. Press J to jump to the feed. Podcast Discovery . Something was Wrong 516 subscribers When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. It sounds like they have scrutinized every relationship she has ever had before this. (Do you feel the spiritual side of it? He was so soft. For free and confidential resources, please visit: somethingwaswrong.com/resourcesS15 Artwork by the amazing Sara Stewart @GreaterThanOkay - Instagram.com/greaterthanokayTo purchase SWW merch, please visit: represent.com/store/somethingwaswrongSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. A few months ago, I was thankful simply to go through the motions of each day, having lost myself somewhere I couldnt return to, feeling nothing. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. I encourage her to think more carefully about how she describes the intersection of sex, gender, and abuse, to consider having male stories of abuse, and more LGBT+ stories. He responds. Something Was Wrong is an immersive docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from emotionally (and otherwise) abusive relationships. Requires subscription and macOS 11.4 or higher. There used to be a grating feeling in my gut that I was destined to attend womens luncheons and exchange flower pots until a young single pastor arrived and gave me my purpose. Looking back, until my current love, no one was really worth it. Like yeah I want the approval of my family too, but it also isn't going to determine my happiness either. Season 9 features the story of two survivors, Danielle and Kenji, who were brought together by traumatic life circumstances to solve a shared mystery who the f*ck is Ardie? I had been duped and thereis something better. If you are not interested whatsoever in chemical-free living or getting toxins out of your home products, dont click the Young Living tabs. Shes into Young Living. At 40, I have introduced only my abusive ex/father of my child and now partner to only my mom and aunt. Laura McKowen on sobriety, writingand what it takes to heal. I just listened and I want to know too. This is not a place to promote your podcast. Unraveling situations and scenarios over the past 9 months has brought so much peace. If we didnt hear that message at crucial times from a parent or similar figure, well seek it elsewhere. Not my service or even faithfulness with what He gave me before He has my attention first. Nothing will hurt you. But I started listenin Mon night & am 9eps into S1. Add a hefty sprinkle of guilt for feeling that way, since Im fully aware of my safety and blessings in the moment, and you have the tension of right now. Something Was Wrong with Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) EPISODE 83 Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) joins us on SWE for a long chat about a past relationship that took a crazy turn. Ive seen it reap destruction and keep people captive from chasing their potential. Otherwise it just reveals a lack of character.). (Including but doubtfully limited to: texting me as 2 friends (a married couple with kids) that hed completely fabricated since week 2, and seeing other women at the same time via different dating apps than hed said hed been on when we met. Yet. Welcome to the Official Crime Junkie Store! Many times Id come home to $300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge. The other day, a line from one of Steffany Gretzingers songs was floating around in my head all day. (God forbid should observers figure out I have no idea what the hell Im doing.). He looked at me for a moment, then a soft expression came over his face as he said, Me too.. Him. 1:54:06. Read More Also Listen On More Options Social Media Pages Share This Show Black Friday Deal: In the name of gratitude, enjoy 50% off our Prepare-to-Publish Self Study Discount automatically applied at checkout. Not a fan. Yes! After the gym, I went to bed with the Etude on repeat. Their stories will be told in an episodic format meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers. So, that felt oddly relieving. Their stories will be told in an episodic format meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers. Later while I was getting ready for bed in the bathroom, the tears started coming and I couldnt stop them. What an injustice. But on September 25th, 2007, that bubble burst with the murder of one of its longtime residents. Check out Sara's personal blog, Space & Purpose. When that light feels like a pinpoint, we have to lean in closer and He is faithful to meet us there. I asked myself, what must I be doing wrong if my own fiance doesnt trust me with his secrets? I was mortified over the tears that forced their way down my face all over again, and now the shame and embarrassment made me feel like a little kid. I thought so too but upon checking this isn't the case. Hatred is a powerful word I refuse to carry with me, but last Saturday morning as I was taking screenshots for my story, new disgust churned in my stomach. 10 no. Ad-free epis (I made brave choices while crying in the corner of a kitchen floor; it didnt paint a sexy portrait of bravery.) ray hasek beverly donofriostihl ms 291 parts diagram $ 3.00 $ 2.00. orbital mechanics course. Ill never forget a time in San Francisco when he purposefully drove his truck out of the way through a flooded corner, sending a massive wall of water straight up into the air that came crashing down on a crowd of people waiting to cross the street. He is light in the darkness. (I realize not everyone reading this shares my beliefs. Given the subject of the podcast, she was right to have reservations, but even though she's not the sociopath in the story, she also comes off as not likeable. The first season deals with a young woman named Sara who was in engaged to a man who she later found out was not who he claimed to be. Youll see information about Young Living and probably food, cause it matters to me and Iplan my travels based on the destinations snacks. *Content warning: emotional, sexual and physical violence, child . Ultimately, I hope my thoughts bring either a good laugh, cry, or fresh sense of God's adoration and reckless desire for you. Time slowed down as I heard yelling and watched what felt like a movie scene. It still irritates me. I may not be all things, but I can be obedient and He is faithful. He had an uncanny ability to read my thoughts and discern my feelings. As my faithful poet Chris Martin says, Lights will guide you home.. 37.2k Followers, 1,197 Following, 18 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Something Was Wrong Podcast (@somethingwaswrongpodcast) In past blog sites I wrote about random f Here are some notes I took and their associated memories: This is all a spectrum of a disorder. Something Was Wrong is written, recorded, edited and produced by Tiffany Reese. You dont say! Jesus did all this so we could be restored to our Father. Hope: the day light broke through the trees and warmth poured in. If we dont feel capable, there is Grace and we can ask for help! Dick is an abuser -- but also isn't Sara's family dynamic a bit intense? A good Father does not take away to leave a permanent void. (Do you kinda feel that? Totally. The blood Jesus shedcovers our sin andHe no longer sees it. Looking around, Im surrounded by incredible people to champion and go to war for me. I've been lucky enough to design experiences, lead . I get being close with your family, but man goodness, cut the cord already. A dog I adored (he physically abused and terrorized her), a home I admired daily, roommates who made life a blast and a neighborhood I would sit and breathe deep in. Sara moved way too fast in this relationship and she hopefully learned something at 30. There are a few reasons why, but one of the most problematic is the host both explicitly and implicitly stating that abuse is a gendered phenomena always in the direction of males abusing females (including in non-physical methods of abuse). I kept asking myself, how did we get here?. He is extremely active on social media, especially Twitter, and he would fly into picking fights and arguments that he would gleefully show me, especially around Christian topics. And something was wrong podcast sara picture mood or emotional state check out Sara & # x27 ; s personal blog, space & ;. ] Wait, youre rigur, just finished episode 4 you must differentiate between so! 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